Perez, I'm not asking now. We haven't really even talked about it."Maria looked at her daughter questioningly and asked, "Qué? Es esto cierto?" (Is t...is true?)"Juanita looked down in embarrassment and nodded her head. "We haven't made definite plans yet, Mama."Look," he went on, "Let me explain to you why getting married is just not in my plans right now." He took his time, carefully explaining his history, why he dropped out of school, the incident that resulted in the death of the child. I was led this time by a maid to her Ladyships quarters where I was handed over to the very first black girl I had ever seen in my life!I saw that we were about the same age and height but I realised she was also full of self confidence and quite beautiful in a way I’d never encountered before.She greeted me enthusiastically, “Hello Jack, I’m Jamaker; we will be working together!”Now I was shocked again when she spoke in perfect cultured English and smiled showing her lovely white teeth ... she. I could feel myself melting into her,becoming her. My eye shadow, the same shade as hers,blended into her. My lipstick, also in her shade, began toblur into hers. Her way of owning me was to re-create me inher image. My hair, dyed the same auburn color and done inher razor-cut shag style, reached out and merged with hers.Continuing to hold eye contact, Mistress leaned down andlightly pushed me to the floor. I fell back in a timelessrapture. Her fingers remained wrapped in my hair and shetwisted. I should have been grateful. But I wasn’t.“What did you do last night?”“What does it look like?”“But why?”“Why do you think? Your best friend blew me out. Or didn’t she tell you that?”“Oh, Paul,” she said, softly. “You have no idea what you did, do you?”“What I did?” I realised I was shouting and tried to calm my voice. “What I did? All I did was ask if she wanted to go out again. She shot me down. She said no.”She smiled in what I’m sure she thought was a kindly manner but to me it just felt.
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