In the meantime I lost about 40 pounds in weight and while I can say it's not such a bad thing since I was quite chubby, things got extreme and I beca...e skinny, too skinny… My panic attacks were quite a nuisance and kept affecting my work at my new job. My performance got weaker and results went down. While I was not directly fired, my department closed down and I was not among those to be relocated. I was just left aside, with a shitty compensatory salary. My morale was totally down, going. The big, floppy recliner I sit in is the only thing really in focus. The room is bright, but grey and indistinct, because it's not really important.You are there. I see you are... smaller than you are. And grayer. And cold, sad. I beckon you to me and you climb onto my lap. My arms encircle you as you curl up. I feel larger than I am. Stronger. I hold you, stroking you hair and back through your sweatshirt. You are shivering. You may be crying. There is wetness seeping though my shirt. I hold. Peter sensed my pause. ‘Anna, I need to see your breasts. I have picked you out of so many women. Watched you. And watched you. Your breasts will be claimed by me tonight, and I want to see my prize. Show them to me.’ So I slipped the straps off my shoulders self-consciously holding the cups over the fleshiness of my breasts. Then, taking a deep breath, I let my bra fall to my feet. My breasts felt cool in the exposure but the hardness of my nipples and the goose bumps on my flesh were not from. I cringed at the thought of being shoeless like Viktoriya. I would have been crippled for life if I tried to walk barefooted like Viktoriya on that hot August afternoon. The sidewalks in Pokrovka were crumbling and stony, and the dirty road we walked on to the Dnister River’s tributary had a multitude of stones and scrubby bushes growing up through its surface. The soles of Viktoriya’s feet must have been made of steel because she didn’t flinch one single time during our two hour journey to her.
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